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Part 3 (It's Finally OVER!)
We headed out with only three things to do: get cigarettes, get food, win money.
First stop cigs. We checked every store from here to Hope (birthplace of Bill Clinton). They don't sell cigarettes in Hot Springs. Anywhere.
We were feeling disillusioned about the whole trip until we finally found a cool store with candy-colored wigs and feather boas in the window. It felt like home! When we went in they were playing techno (gasp)!!! We attacked the salesgirl like vultures. "Where is that techno coming from? Is there a radio station that plays it here? Where are all the cool clubs? And where can we get cigarettes?!"
The girl behind the counter sighed heavily, put the cap back on her mascara tube, smacked her gum and said, "There ain't nuthin in this town. And you cain't have that video, either". She then informed us that there was indeed a groovy club in town called Candie's but it was too late for us. We had already been tainted with Boogiola.
Our bubble was officially burst so we hung our heads sadly and wandered away.
We walked the entire length of the strip, got harrassed by cars driving by and guys hanging around outside of the titty bars, but never found the racetrack. We did find cigs, three miles down the road at the Exxon station where they were sold to us by one of the Black Tar Teeth girls from the night before. She was hungover and not at all in the mood.
We were then faced with the awesome task of providing entertainment for ourselves for the rest of the night. Since we slept all day, we had a lot of time to kill.
We decided on dinner first and nature later. We found an awesome Italian Restaurant called "Angels" where we ate like pigs until 10 p.m. We were amazed that the restaurant was open and that the food was so good. While there, Tammy and I decided that my next review is coming from Italy where we are going to eat our way up and down the streets.
We discussed it over dinner and we decided that we were trying to hard to make this vacation into something it wasn't. It's sort of like ordering spaghetti at Six Flags. You know it's going to be bad so why bother? Since Hot Springs is a town set up for nature and relaxation, by golly we were going to relax if it killed us!
So here is what we did for the next 6 hours:
1. Hot Tub with Chip and Virginia, the bikers and the mean salesman who wanted to know how much money I make. (shaaaah!)
2. Hiking Trail-and spying on the folks in the hot tub because Peeping Tommery is FUN!
3. Almost getting stuck in the Lobby's revolving door because Tammy wanted to go "together"
4. Honeysuckle Park-and worrying about getting arrested for being on the street at 3 a.m.
5. Finally realizing that no one CARED whether we were out on the street at 3 a.m. (we OWNED that town!)
6. Swimming in the Warm Pool and showing off my fabulous butterfly kick
7. The discovery of the Leaning Tower of Tree
8. Tammy's Light Show in the Hotel Room featuring "Lobe Strobes".
9. Tammy's homemade Lifetime Movie about good lights gone bad and the light-bulb cop who tries to save them… "Bad Lights Bad Lights, whatcha gonna do?" (remember folks, there was no television!)
10. A trip down the hall to get water from the "good" fountain
11. Girl Bonding, giggling, smiling all night and the discovery that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you are with the right people.
The FAMOUS Hot Springs Baths
At 7 a.m. it was time for our spa appointments so we headed on downstairs to be pampered.
The first thing we noticed was the smell. The place reeked of OLD LADY. Seriously ya'll. And we were really tired by then so it was all we could do to sit there and wait for our names to be called. We almost left several times because 1) the smell 2) we were afraid of the bath attendants and 3) we were TIRED!
Right before we threw in the (bath) towel, they called us back and the procedure began. I will assume that most of you have never done this (except for Stacey) so let me tell you what happens-step by step.
1) Shameka (aka Nurse Ratchet), the dressing room attendant tells you to take your clothes off and, if you are Tammy, you stand in there for 20 minutes wondering whether your should leave your panties on or off.
2) Shameka wraps you in a sheet like a toga and shoves you down a hall to the baths.
3) Tammy's bath attendant, Kathy (the most resquested bath lady in all of Hot Springs, BTW) asks you about your candy bracelets and witchy necklace and "why on earth did you two girls stay up all night when you are supposed to be here relaxing?"!
4) Your bath attendant, Michelle takes you to your personal tub where she has you test the water (TOO COLD!)
5) She takes your towel off and makes you get in the tub where you are then told to drink a cup of hot mineral water (to clear the toxins apparently)
6) The bubbles are turned on and Michelle leaves and tells you to relax.
7) You relax so much that you almost drown.
8) Michelle comes back and laughs at you for relaxing so hard
9) She scrubs your legs, arms and back with a scrubby thingy that feels really good.
10) You get out of the tub, go to the table, drink cold mineral water, and get wrapped in hot towels like a mummy with an ice cold towel on your face. This feels really good until the towels get cold and clammy then you flop around on the table for someone to come take them off.
11) Needle Shower--hundreds of little jets rinse off the mineral water.
12) Massage with Ronda…
13) Ronda not only notices your candy bracelets but knows where you got them and tells you her Florida travel story and some cool party stories featuring DJs whose names you would probably recognize (if I could remember them) She also gives you the BEST massage you have ever had in your life and you vow to send her a fabulous Rev Paul CD and a thank-you card.
When it was all over, we floated up to the room where we reflected on the weekend and packed for the ride. Then we left the key and her phone charger in the room (oops!) and hit the road. Tammy slept like a baby while I listened to light rock and sang Barry Manilow songs the whole way home.
Peace Out
Betty
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