[skelekim]

the worst point in the contractions for me was right before it happened. for about 15 mins I was passing out in cold sweat between contractions. the contractions were seconds apart, no more then about 30. I didnt realize still what was going on til I went to the bathroom. weird I know but as soon as I did FINALLY clue in this wasnt some false alarm, I wasnt scared. I was thinking its worse for the child if I dont push. they want out for a damn reason. so fucking do it. when the paramedics did come they were telling me not to push anymore but fuck that. shit was going down. I cant STOP pushing, the head was already crowned. seriously wtf.

I was really in another state though. I knew what was happening but I wasnt freaking out. everyone else was freaking out for me. I knew the only control I had in the situation was giving birth whether it was time or the right place, it was gonna happen regardless.