[jaesun]

I feel ya on the bad dreams.

I've been taking Chantix to quit smoking. I haven't smoked in almost two weeks coming from a pack (or more) a day. But the dreams this stuff gives you seem real as hell.

You know it’s a dream the entire time (and you know it’s not real) but everything is in such vivid detail and color. It’s like dreams in full 1080p HD. Most of my dreams are just about random this and that but very so often (rarely) I get some bad ones.

Having dreams that you are the only one who can save your loved ones (family and wife) from some terrible unimaginable fate, then dying in your attempt as they are captured by whomever (the bad guys I guess), then falling down a dark dank stone spiral staircase head over heels for a long time, screaming for help to no avail, falling further and further away from those you were supposed to be saving. Failing them and yourself. Feeling the heartbreak and the helplessness of that failure as you fall.

Then you reach the bottom that has thrown you into a post apocalyptic hell with air so full of smoke the sun cannot reach you. Land scorched and black. Water black and thick like oil. And you’re the only one left on the planet. The only one and you can’t do anything about it but sit in your prison.

Now that was last night. I woke myself up because I was trying to yell out in real life in my sleep. I was yelling loud enough to wake myself up.

Scary shit man.