does anyone read rupublicanpress.com?

funny shit....lol

My name is Dr. Herman Von Shtupp. As a doctor of Psychiatry I treat the mentally unstable and the deeply disturbed among our nation’s population. As a psychiatrist, I know a few things about how Real Americans think. I make no secret that among my most deeply troubled and disturbed patients, liberal democrats make up the vast majority. It seems they suffer from delusions and hallucinations to which we Republicans are immune. Luckily, I know just the cure for even the most delusional liberal psychosis!

I was in my office earlier this week seeing a patient of mine. He was laid up on my large leather couch detailing his childhood or some shit like that. I was seated behind him, out of sight, evaluating him in my big comfortable leather high back chair. Due to doctor/patient confidentiality laws I cannot go into great detail about who my patients are or what they say. However, I can say that he was your typical ACLU card carrying, long haired, abortion loving, liberal. It seems that this week, young James McCoy was laying on my couch because he was upset about losing his job last month. I wrote the words, “Cry baby” in my notepad. “Proceed,” I said to Mr. McCoy.

He went on to say, “I feel so ashamed of being unemployed, but it is so hard to find work, I have been drawing unemployment and living off the government for about 4 weeks now.”

I nearly fell out of my high back leather chair when he told me this! How can this commie liberal scum lay on my couch when he is drawing a check that is taking money out of my pocket! These liberals are going to drive hard-working, self-made men like me straight to the poorhouse! I wrote the words, “Blood-sucking commie leach” in my notes.

As my patient went on bearing his soul, and saying something about feeling violent and plotting to kill his old boss, all I could hear was “Blah, Blah, Blah….” How does he expect me to listen to this liberal drivel? I am only paid $400/hour, how can I be expected to support every pot smoking, sign carrying, tree hugger? Last year I paid over $650,000.00 dollars in taxes! However, after deductions, credits, business write offs, investment mark downs, and loopholes, I wound up paying $47.69. (MY ACCOUNTANT IS JEWISH)


Herman Von Shtupp Taxes: 2002

Amount Earned
Tax Paid
Tax Paid After Loopholes, Deductions, Credits, Business Write Offs, Investment Mark Downs, Depreciation, and Off Shore Investments


$1.3 Million

$650,000

$47.69




Can you believe that? That is $47.69 that the Democrats stole from my pocket so that they could give it to some liberal asshole in the form of an Art Grant so the hippie could shit on a canvas and call it “I Hate Republicans.” That is $47.69 that some liberal (BLACK) will probably receive in welfare benefits so they can make payments on their new gold teeth or feed their crack babies. With that $47.69 some wetback boat floater will wash up on our shores and probably be given food and shelter and medicine. All the while, hard working men like myself could have used that $47.69 to stimulate the economy. Now I will simply have to work harder or charge more for my services just to make up for the lost revenue! I could sure use a tax cut, I thought to myself.

I looked up from my notepad, and I could see that my patient was in a total panic. It appeared he was having a nervous breakdown or some shit like that. He was sweating, hyper ventilating, and going on and on about his anxieties. “Patient McCoy thinks he’s the only one who has problems... What about my $47 dollars and 69 cents?” I scribbled on my notepad.

Luckily the buzzer went off indicating Mr. McCoy’s session was over as he began to delve into his childhood. “I really don’t want to hear that shit,” I sighed to myself.

”It looks as though you’re time is up for this week Mr. McCoy.” I said to him.

”Dr. Von Shtupp, do you think you can help me?” he asked while wiping the sweat from his forehead. I was confident that I could cure him of his delusions but it would take time. I handed him the prescription and the bill.

“What the hell is this?” He asked while reading the prescription. “Watch FoxNews for 8 hours a day, and listen to Rush Limbaugh daily, and come back in a week?!?” I chuckled to myself as I shut the door behind him. “You damn quack, let me back in!” he screamed as he pounded on the door.

It took a moment but eventually he looked at the bill, and pounded on the big thick oak door to my office again. “Let me in! Why the hell is this bill for $447.69? I thought you only charged $400 an hour? Why is there an extra charge of $47 dollars and 69 cents?!?”

“Perhaps you should ask the IRS, Mr. McCoy....” I scribbled in my notes as I lit up my pipe.