CP NEWS: What to Pack for MMC

[ddm-news]

-By Naomi Baria

The hour countdown has begun. In this final stretch before the Miami Music Conference, CP has been furiously preparing (read: waxing, fake baking, pumping iron, vomiting) for our nine days of partial nudity. But alas, how else can one prepare for this unprecedented decathlon of debauchery? Why, with shopping, of course. With last week’s warm front giving us a taste of what’s to come, here’s a quick packing list that will allow you to abandon all reason once you touch down at M.I.A.

What to Bring:

Vitamin C

This wonder vitamin keeps your immune system in check even when you’re fixin’ to annihilate it. And bring a bunch since this is one thing you can’t OD on.

Pocket-sized glue tube & colored pens

We’ve all done it: hovered behind the velvet rope waiting for the hand from heaven to beckon you. Having a ghetto-fab club kit (circa age 16) just might do the trick. Use the glue to piece together discarded wristbands or the colored pens to mimic a hand stamp. And if you get caught, at least you’re not from around here.

Diuretics

We know, we know. Diuretics aren’t good for you. But we’ve all put much worse into our bodies. At least these help us shed that annoying water weight right before we pull out our most provocative poses on the beach. Just be sure to avoid alcohol and hydrate yourself before and after.

Business cards (fake or real)

If you’re above our club kit (see above), then try pulling out a business card for the extra pull at the door. What? You’re not at the Miami Music Conference for the workshops and panels? Well, I guess no one really knows what the A&R Director of BMG looks like.

Pain killers

For when you forget to heed our warnings to avoid alcohol and hydrate yourself.

Discrete camera or cameraphone

You’re not a celebrity stalker, but you’ll be kicking yourself for not catching that great shot of Lindsay Lohan lapdancing one of the Olsen twins.

Different grades of sunscreen

For your face, shoulders and those nap-on-the-beach tanning days. It’s amazing how days of drinking and partying can impair your sense of touch.

Moisturizer

You wanted to take that tan home, didn’t you?

Broken-in flip flops

Don’t make that same mistake of buying brand-new sandals only for them to burrow two-inch holes into your feet. Wear them out around the house and they’ll still retain that new-shoe glow without the new-shoe grief.

Hat

Pop Quiz: Floridians and Californians frequently go under the knife because (a) they’re vain and shallow, (b) advanced aging from prolonged sun exposure or (c) all of the above. Depending on where you’re from, the answer is either (b) or (c). A hat during the day should keep the plastic surgeons away.

Concealer

After the hat, sunscreen and timed outdoor intervals fail to prevent the sun from charring your chin, some concealer should at least keep the suffering to yourself.

Linen pants

Not just for old queens on the Riviera anymore, linen pants made the comeback a few years ago as a stylish, yet highly-breathable hot-weather staple.

Inflatable iPod speakers

Your insolent girlfriend/boyfriend/three-night-stand somehow dragged you to a stretch of beach out of earshot of your favorite DJs. To make things more bearable, break out your iPod and inflatable waterproof speakers and start a party of your own.

Female fashion musts

A batik-print pareo/wrap, faux designer sunglasses, oversized beach bag, mucho mini skirts and an array of bikinis for each day.

And for men...

Extra-strength deodorant, lots of white undershirts, twice the underwear, fake bake for feet, breath mints, condoms and at least three dress shirts.

What not to bring:

Fanny pack

Overbearing cologne/perfume

Tanning oil

Too much bling

College jerseys

Pants or shorts with ANY writing on the ass

Frosted locks

Puka shell or hemp necklace

Spandex (unless it’s bikini)

‘roids (pump up at home, not at the beach)

Espadrilles

Too much black (no one wants to be a walking oven)

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