CP NEWS: DJs: They're Just Like Us!

[ddm-news]

-DJ Wolfie

So, I was gluing together my stupid Razr phone, that I dropped TWICE, and it shattered into a pile of plastic.

I reach into the drawer, and grab the little tube of super glue. I'm thinking about how the parts of the phone should go back together. I try unscrewing the lid of the glue- its glued shut. I'm still really looking at the phone, and I just absentmindedly do what I always do with a stuck cap- I clench it in my teeth to get a better grip.

By now, of course, you know exactly where this story is going.

With a good twist, the cap comes off in my mouth, and I'm squeezing way too hard on the superglue bottle. A big jizz load of superglue shoots into my mouth like a tidal wave.

I jump up with my mouth open. There's glue on my tongue, in between my teeth, all over my cheeks. Its a freaking mess. I keep my mouth open wide- so I don't glue my teeth together- and have my tongue sticking out going "AUGGHHH ACHHHH ACKKK..."

I grab a tissue, and try to wipe my tongue off. Great. Now I have tissue glued to my tongue, I'm flailing around like I have one of those face-huggers from Aliens on me, and I don't know what the heck to do.

Of course that's when there's a knock at the door.

Well, it couldn't get any stupider. What the heck. I open the door.

Its the UPS guy. My roommate is really into online shopping- I see the UPS guy about 3 times a week. We have this game we play. I throw open the door, and he always says. "Package!" and I go- "Let me guess! For ME?" and he laughs and goes "Close! Guess again!" since its always for my roommate.

Anyway, I open the door, he's standing there, and I'm looking like I just ate a roll of toilet paper for fun.

"What happened to you?"

"Uh Dohnn Wahhhn Taaawk Ahbawwt Ihhht."

Long pause as he stares at me.

"Uh...Sign here. "

"Fwannnk Woou.."

"Did you just say fu#k you?"

Nwo! I Swaid FWANK YWOU! Fank. Fank you."

"Oh! You're welcome."

As he walked away, I could feel the super glue turning into a hard candy like shell on my teeth.

So I go down to this big festival called Xara. Its a blast. It's 1,000 people out at a monastery in San Diego.

There's all these stages set up, fire shows, lots of people in costumes. It's a creative mythology festival. What that translates to is lots of scantily clad beautiful people frolicking around in super sexy outfits, and a group shower on site.

Rough, I know.

So I start talking to my fellow DJs about stupid things they've done. Here are two of the best quotes I got out of the weekend.

From Zak Brown:

"I was at a party. I was talking to this girl, and sort of flirting with her. She kept talking to me, almost like I knew her. I wasn't sure, but she seemed really pissed after 20 minutes. I blew her off and didn't think about it for the rest of the night. The next morning, I suddenly remembered that I'd had sex with her 6 months ago after a party. No wonder she was pissed when I introduced myself to her like I never met her before. "

From Porter Tinsley:

"lucent delirum- I was booked to play the headlining slot, outside. I was standing by the outside DJ booth while the opening act played, and this random guy starts talking to me. He's raving about how much he likes the headlining DJ's music, and can't wait for the headliner to play. I start grinning, since obviously that's me, since we're outside, and I am the headliner. I love it when people don't realize they're talking to me, before I start DJing. I don't say anything, just let him keep going on about how exited he is. Suddenly, he turns around and goes " Well. good talking to you, I'm going to go inside and wait for Lorin to start." He was talking about the INSIDE headliner, not ME! He had no idea who Porter Tinsley was and couldn't care less if he did. I've never felt like such a jackass. I've never been snubbed better in my life, and the best part is he didn't even know."

Click here for more Xara photos and more on DJ Wolfie.

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