CP NEWS: A Woman’s Guide to a One-Night Stand

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-Stephanie Sims

Women get an unfair stereotype. We’re supposed to be sweet, attractive and dream about commitment and big, white wedding ceremonies while guys get to have all the fun sleeping around in their bachelor pads, spreading pick-up lines around the bar scene until they score. Commitments are the last thing on men’s minds.

But times have changed, and not every woman fits that old-fashioned stereotype. So why can’t women do the same things the boys can? Is it the threat of being called a whore? Please, ladies. If men can do it, women sure as hell can do it, too.

Chasing tail is much easier when you’re a woman, anyway; guys are normally the aggressor, and it’s hot when women take the pressure off and do the work themselves. Women just need to tweak the rules of the game a bit. Here’s a guide on how a woman should handle a one-night stand:

• DO clean up your place a little bit before you head out on the town, just in case. If you score tonight, you could be doing it on the kitchen table, the counter, the bathroom floor, the bathtub....you get the point.



• DO go to the bar with friends who are less attractive than you. This will affirm that when you make a move, he’ll want to keep talking to you to get in your pants, not to devise a plan to get in your friend’s pants. Unless he’s got major beer goggles, which leads us to the next point…

• DON’T go for dudes that are absolutely hammered. He might be a hottie, but when he’s obnoxiously yelling out Anchorman quotes with his buddies at the bar and having a bit of a problem standing on his own, you might want to steer clear. Sure, it would be easy to get him to go home with you, but that’s where it could unravel due to his alcohol intake. Unless you’d rather baby-sit a dude too drunk to get you off, let alone see straight, don’t target a guy who is completely wasted.

• DON’T get too drunk yourself. Getting drunk often means stupid things are said and done, and not every guy wants to go home with the girl with cranberry-vodka spilled on her and singing along with “Since U Been Gone.” Plus, beer goggles can have very hazardous results once they come off the morning after. By all means, drink a little liquid courage, just don’t go overboard.

• DO remember to smile and be confident when you approach your sexual target. Guys like it when they don’t have to do any work to pick up a girl. There are really no rules when it comes to starting a conversation with the guy either. Compliments always work (“has anyone told you you’ve got rock star hair?”). Approaching bigger groups of guys can be intimidating, but here’s an “in” that usually works: listen in on the group’s conversation while you’re at the bar ordering a drink. Interject with an opposing opinion and start a flirty debate. Note: this won’t work when talking politics or religion.



• DON’T look for common ground in your conversation. That’s optional. Find out some key information pertaining to tonight and the next morning. Does he have to work the next morning? Does he have enough money to take the subway or a cab home? Don’t ask if he has a girlfriend. If he’s interested in going home with you, he’ll probably lie if he has one anyway.

• As the night goes on, especially as last call nears, DO give lots of physical compliments. It’s a known fact that guys do not pick up on hints. But when you tell a guy, “You’ve got a great ass,” and give him a wink, or say “Muscles are such a turn-on” while squeezing his bicep and batting your eyelashes, those hints are not so subtle. When it finally is last call or he says his boys are about to bounce, make the move. Tell him you’re going back to your place and he’s welcome to join you. If he’s hooked on you, he’ll be bailing on his friends and hailing you both a cab in no time.

Once you’ve secured the guy, you both have to come to a consensus about where you can get to know each other horizontally. Our suggestion is to make it your place—it’s territory you know, and since you’re in charge on your turf, you’re more likely to get what you want.

Once inside, you can start phase two however you want. Depending on the situation and how well you two, uh, click, you can either pour more alcohol to lighten the awkward factor or get right down to business against the wall in the entryway, on the kitchen counter, on the bathroom floor (aren’t you glad you cleaned up?), you get the picture. But before penetration happens....

• DO use condoms. Whatever the excuse is—he doesn’t like how they feel, it’s a hassle to put one on—there should be no excuses when it comes to protecting yourself. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but you shouldn’t be reminded of your hot night of steamy sex when you pee and it burns. Some STDs are deadly, and some have no symptoms at all. Have sex with condoms. It’s a win-win situation.

• DO focus on getting yourself off first and foremost. That’s why you brought him home, right? So he could please you? Remember, you’re on your turf so you’re in charge. Show him how to make you happy, and if he’s being selfish, force yourself on top so he has no choice. If you actually had common ground with the guy and you think regular sex with him might work, please him, too. But the only person that really matters in the morning is you.

• DON’T be afraid to let loose. Use your belts and scarves to tie him to your headboard and blindfold him. Put that whipped cream to good use. Do it in front of mirrors. If the idea of getting freaky scares you, remember that you’ll never see him again, but he’ll always remember you.

• DON’T let him stay over; kick him out before he falls asleep. You don’t want him hanging around the next morning. He’ll eat your food, drink your coffee, hang out on your computer and watch your TV. Tell him you have to work, catch an early flight, or go feed your friend’s dog because you went out and picked him up instead. However, if you want to pursue regular sex with him, kick him out first thing in the morning. But if not, do you want to share your bed with a guy hogging the sheets who you’re not going to see again?

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Finally, don’t worry about others who call you a whore for having a night of no-strings-attached sex by your rules. Those people obviously need to get laid.

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