At what point is it too much?

[cyberina]

Originally Posted by SFO

My definition of a friend is someone who you can depend on, support you and encourages you when times are good and even more so when times are bad

Mine, too.

My friends, too, but words and actions are polar opposites more often than not.

Originally Posted by Dixon Cox

These statements tell me that your "friends" don't really give a shit about you or your future. If they cared about you they would encourage you to reach your life goals. Seriously, this person doesn't care about you. You are there to entertain them when they are bored.

I think you're right on the money in part of it....
I do think they care... I see so many signs of it, some of which are even in their actions..

I think they lose sight of the bigger picture. In order for one to get the degree we're all excited about me having, one must put in the work to get it.

[Deff Gordon]

hang in there girl! you'll be fine! just keep your head up and moving forward.

[lysistrata]

sounds like you're burnt out and need a break. take the summer off from school and return refreshed in the fall!

[cyberina]

Originally Posted by nitetripp

hang in there girl! you'll be fine! just keep your head up and moving forward.

Lordy I'm trying.. And I know I'll be fine in the end....

But oh my God.. As if this all wasnt hard enough as it is to keep up with, I have to fight for my right to do it.

[djetaine]

i dont really know who all you are talking about, but if you have friends that demand so much of you that it puts you in that type of position, they are shitty friends. Especially if they are insulting you in any way because you are working on bettering yourself and your future.
fuck em

Originally Posted by lysistrata

sounds like you're burnt out and need a break. take the summer off from school and return refreshed in the fall!

sounds more like shes burnt out on her "friends" than on her school

[cyberina]

Originally Posted by djetaine

i dont really know who all you are talking about

I'm gunna keep it that way.. My point here is to vent in general as opposed to making anyone look bad.

Nobody involved is a bad person... Its a conflict between a few generally good people that aren't seeing eye to eye.

[Enchilada]

Originally Posted by cyberina

I think they lose sight of the bigger picture. In order for one to get the degree we're all excited about me having, one must put in the work to get it.

Have you told your friends about your problem? If it was me and my friends and they refused to chillax a bit then I would be cutting them out of my life. I don't know you personally, but you seem to be one of the DDMers that has a good head on their shoulders. Don't let that brain go to waste.

[molecule]

Originally Posted by cyberina

If I still deny it, they get aggressive, demanding, or insulting about it to the point where I can't concentrate on the classwork anyway. Its very hard to write a paper when you are being screamed at.


For the rest of my day while I was trying to attend class, I missed 5 phone calls which resulting in 2 voicemails, 4 text messages, and 9 emails all insulting me, arguing with me about how I'm wrong and have no right to feel that way, and then was blamed for them getting in trouble at work for throwing temper tantrums all day long...... (Note: I had the one conversation with them this morning.. I refused all further calls.. I checked all of my messages hearing the escalation of irateness)

sounds to me like you need to put somebody in check regardless of your grades. The grades issue looks like a symptom, not the problem.

sounds like you got talent. therefore, you will forever have people in your life trying to leach, suck, and consume you, friends or not, even if they don't realize what they are doing.

[Damnsammit]

Originally Posted by xian

So, you're saying your relationship w/another is the cause of the lower grades?

That ending the relationship will improve the grades?

That you want the grades more than the relationship?

Makes your choices and lives with them.

Ps... ever think you may just be struggling with the material because it is difficult?

I had these similar problems about a year ago. My friend was really depressed for the majority of the semester and would always want me to hang out with him and shit. Well ended up dropping two of the classes and getting a D in another one.

Since I moved out of that apartment (he was my roomie at the time) and started back up, I have retaken the classes I dropped and gotten all A's since then.

Do what you have to do to accomplish what is important to YOU. It's hard to shut out your friends who seem they have problems but in the end altruism can be a fatal flaw to ones own sense of self-worth.

[hepkatmama]

Originally Posted by cyberina

The cause of my lowered grades essentially falls under the fact that the people in my life constantly insist upon my time and attention, even when I don't have it to give.

For the rest of my day while I was trying to attend class, I missed 5 phone calls which resulting in 2 voicemails, 4 text messages, and 9 emails all insulting me, arguing with me about how I'm wrong and have no right to feel that way, and then was blamed for them getting in trouble at work for throwing temper tantrums all day long...... (Note: I had the one conversation with them this morning.. I refused all further calls.. I checked all of my messages hearing the escalation of irateness)

you don't have to take it baby. i know you care very deeply for this person or you wouldn't have put up with it this long. but they are putting their feelings above your courseload. you are not responsible for anyone else but you. and that is not me being mean. its the fact. we are born alone & you die that way too.

remember why i quit spending so much time with my "friend" after the new years tirade? it took 12 missed calls for me to realize that i was being sucked into their drama. i visited outside the circle that night and decided to walk & not look back.

fuk being on that leash. you do not deserve to be screamed at or denied a place to do your homework. do not succumb to emotional blackmail. tell this person that your phone is for emergencies and their brat fit doesn't count. tell them if that it insults your intelligence to think that you can't see their message. stop calling back at all until the end of the day. turn off your phone during the day if necessary. stick to rules about your time. when they say "why didn't you call" cause you are at SCHOOL and that is #1. friends would support that, just like not blaming you for their lack of emotional self-control at work.

if you don't want to turn off your phone to focus on school because you are afraid to miss a true emergency then you need to cut out that hostile distraction.

i'm going to bust out the dear abby list: traits of an abuser:

1) pushes for quick involvement
2) jealous
3) controlling
4) unrealistic expectations
5) isolation
6) blames others for problems & mistakes
7) makes others responsible for his or her feelings
8) hypersensitivity
9) cruelty to animals or children
10) supposedly playful use of force during sex
11) verbal abuse
12) rigid gender roles
13) sudden mood swings
14) past battering
15) threats of violence (even playful ones)

this person is telling you "i feel so intensely that i can't let you take a break to maintain your normal life." that isn't fair. if they care for you they will be grown up enough to call time out & discuss when you have FREE time.

you need to come over for dinner, lady. we'll do our homework together or something.

[cyberina]

Originally Posted by hepkatmama

you need to come over for dinner, lady. we'll do our homework together or something.

HAH! That might be FUN!

[Tortures Dionysos]

Originally Posted by cyberina

Today at school, I made a call and expressed how I felt (again) in a calm, responsible, adult-like manner. I stated again that I feel like Im having to sacrifice my own needs to accomodate others far too often. I ended the call when I was being screamed at for having the balls to make such a statement.

For the rest of my day while I was trying to attend class, I missed 5 phone calls which resulting in 2 voicemails, 4 text messages, and 9 emails all insulting me, arguing with me about how I'm wrong and have no right to feel that way, and then was blamed for them getting in trouble at work for throwing temper tantrums all day long...... (Note: I had the one conversation with them this morning.. I refused all further calls.. I checked all of my messages hearing the escalation of irateness)

Ok, I don't know you... or your situation... or who you are talking about exactly... but if you aren't married to the person you are talking about above... LOSE THEM.

Seriously. That's way too much crap to put up with. Whoever is doing that shit to you is selfish. They can't see past their own life and emotions to understand what you need to do. And they obviously don't care about you passing your classes or making good grades. They sound like an immature, insecure baby.

I don't even understand why you would tolerate that kind of treatment for more than a day. Sounds like you have been tolerating it for a long time.

You get what you settle for. This person knows you will settle for this kind of treatment and you will coddle their ego and emotional needs... so they behave this way.

Get rid of the loser.

[Keyser Soze]

I dont get why people, keep people in their lives...that they feel/know/are not good for them.

I know I am overly concious about this, and at times have been known/called cold hearted for my innate ability, to drop people from my life, with out blinking an eye and at a moments notice. Some people say im crazy, some say im mean, some say I dont give a fuck about anyone...but truth be told I think its important to always strive for change and personal growth. A lot of times, the company that people keep will inhibit personal growth. Sometimes, this isn't easily recognized, but once it is...I think thats the perfect time to trim away the excess fat and do whats right for you.

[hepkatmama]

Originally Posted by Meyer Lansky

been known/called cold hearted for my innate ability, to drop people from my life, with out blinking an eye and at a moments notice. Some people say im crazy, some say im mean, some say I dont give a fuck about anyone...but truth be told I think its important to always strive for change and personal growth. A lot of times, the company that people keep will inhibit personal growth. Sometimes, this isn't easily recognized, but once it is...I think thats the perfect time to trim away the excess fat and do whats right for you.

^truth on the net^

i cut out some negative people i loved & care for. it was hard but i'm better off.

amazing how many positive people were there all along that i didn't realize cause i was too busy putting out OTHER people's fires.

you don't have to defend your right to go to school or defend your choice to do so. you shouldn't have to scrape up the time to learn about the thing you are interested in. that is like defending your right to have lunch at noon or brush your teeth before bed. respond accordingly.

(promise we won't have fun doing homework. & if we do, we'll make serious faces to compensate. my house is pretty quiet. call a sister)

[downlow]

Originally Posted by cyberina

I just have to suck it up and be stronger than most people are expected to... Manage 19 hours of classload, 30 hours of work, as well as all of the drama.

I really do care about everyone in my life, and I don't want to hurt anyone.......

It seems like its one of those hurt or be hurt things, though. I keep hoping my point will magically sink in already.

I was a former music student at UNT and I know what you are going through. A 19 credit hour course load is insane! I did it one semester and I made out ok but I had to neglect friends and family for 4 months. In order to succeed you have to prioritize your time. In my last 2 years I turned down music gigs in the local area and other states. I cut my job hours in half. I even sacrificed my love of making music in my studio just to complete school. I would go for that incomplete if I were you but if you think you can climb that mountain, drop all correspondence with friends for the next 2 months till the semester is over and you can make a C or better. If you get an incomplete, it is not the end of the world either. I am 31 years old and I am finally going back to school for a doctorate this summer. There is no rush... so slow down, take your time and pace yourself, you'll make it out ok in the end.