At what point is it too much?

[alexican]

what you're describing sounds a lot like what my bf's sis goes through. there is NOTHING wrong with trying to take care of yourself and your priorities first. anyone who makes you feel like shit for trying to accomplish your goals is themselves a piece of shit. school is HARD, and it gets even harder when you're juggling a full-time job.

but you sound like you know what you want and are willing to take the necessary steps to achieve it. don't feel bad for giving a firm NO to those people who are trying to distract you or pull you in a thousand directions at once. and then when you have that degree, you can slap them in the face with it

[TheSunAlsoRises]

shit girl...just when i thought it was working itself out (knowingly that it could/will resurface)... but YOU know all I have to say about that! love to you! & ..... how much can a person tolerate... this is YOUR life too! *shrugs* :/ i hope this all will help with your decision... abuse is abuse - be it verbal or physical PERIOD.

[hepkatmama]

downlow makes some fine points.

i had to give up television for the next 60 days (that is how much school is left really). no time for box vs. study. my brother will rent a movie and get offended cause i won't watch it. just no time. i'v told him not to expect me to commit time to box. no can do.

i want to go out once a week and socialize, so i had to cut fat somewhere. i do let myself watch one hour a week. star trek with capt. pimp on sunday nights.

my brother also keeps buying books i want to read and then selling them. i keep telling him i can read for pleasure in summer. it just hasn't clicked yet. he is just trying to be nice.

[Keyser Soze]

Just to clarify: Just because you(or anyone) removes people from their lives, doesn't ALWAYS mean the people left behind are bad people. It's just those people may not be cohesive to the new path, that you may be trying to venture down.

I think every encounter with a person, should be absorbed and taken as a chance for personal growth, or development...negative or positive. Because, the negative can and should always be turned into a positive learning experience to some degree.

[hepkatmama]

that is also true.

but you don't want to spend the rest of your life making other's negative into positive, in an endless circle. same song different day kinda thing.

its like when i see someone making negative choices i'll try to warn them (but only if i like them), then i'm going to step out of the way of oncoming traffic.

if i've already learned my lesson why should i keep returning to that as a default. i want to keep moving forward.

[Keyser Soze]

Originally Posted by hepkatmama

that is also true.

but you don't want to spend the rest of your life making other's negative into positive, in an endless circle. same song different day kinda thing.

its like when i see someone making negative choices i'll try to warn them (but only if i like them), then i'm going to step out of the way of oncoming traffic.

if i've already learned my lesson why should i keep returning to that as a default. i want to keep moving forward.

Well when I referenced "turing a negative into a positive" I was thinking more along the lines, of the negative becoming positive...meaning you will never relive that moment, or find your self in that type of situation again(hopefully, if your smart enough to recognize the catalyst which placed you into said situation).

Just repeating the same thing over and over, while obtaing the same results is well....you know.

[cyberina]

Originally Posted by hepkatmama

i'm going to bust out the dear abby list: traits of an abuser:

Yeah, I'm pretty familiar with "traits of an abuser."
I've been thinking a lot about what you've said.
While several of those checklist items exist here, but I am hesitant to call anyone abusive, per se.

The word abuse implies a certain level of sadism, and I know for sure from the depths of my soul that there is no true ill intent. In fact, they always genuinely feel bad after the fact. Abusers don't sit well with admitting to acting out of line, and if they do own up to it, they always claim they were driven to it. There is none of that here.

I really do think that its simply an extreme lack of emotional and behavioral control....

There are many, many moments where it feels like I'm dealing with a case of possession by the spirit of Phineas Gage.

I have some serious decisions to make here, and none of them are very conveniently timed for school...

[cyberina]

Another day, another round of absolute ridiculousness.

Tonight involved the use of vomit as a dramatic tool.

I finally got to sit down to homework at 9:30, which was about 2 hours after I had planned, but see above. I wasn't truly left alone until 11:30.

I thought long and hard about my classload.
I am going to go ahead and drop piano because I can retake it next spring without a problem.. I have a failing grade currently because my off-campus internship makes me just late enough to class to miss a lot of the weekly quizzes (no, I didn't set it up that way... I had signed up for piano, then the internship time and site was assigned a month later rather inconveniently for my piano class location and time). I have an piano performance exam on Thursday that I'm OBVIOUSLY not going to get to practice for tonight, and I have class until 8:30p tomorrow which doesn't allow for much practice time since I won't get home until 9:30.

Withdrawing from piano would still leave me with an 18 hour classload, though.

Many of my classes I'm getting As in, actually.

There's one class that I'm not doing well in that I simply cannot retake without extending my graduation date, but its repairable if I can concentrate on it. I did the same class once before (I have to do it 4 times) with essentially the same material and it was a breeze, but it involves a lot of song memorization on a lot of instruments, and I just haven't been able to get in an appropriate amount of practice time. An instructor has offered me makeups and tutoring, and I think I'm gunna take advantage of it. If I do, I'm sure to pass with higher than a C, and I might even get opportunity for summertime experience as a volunteer, which is good for resume stuffs when applying for my final internship site (which is often where one winds up working).

I still have one class that I'm not too sure on. Its a class I could take any semester. I'm not doing well at all, but I'm positive I can keep it at a C or higher. I'd like to do better. I know the material hands down, but I keep missing assignments. I do well on tests, though. They are changing textbooks after this semester, and its an expensive book. If I dropped it in addition to piano, I'd be back down to a much more reasonable 15 hour class load.

It might be good for my sanity.
I don't have much of that in my life right now, so I welcome any opportunities for it.

Now.... I'm going to get back to my homework now that i'm nice and calmed down and thinking about school instead of about how crazy I'm going.

I have to figure out how to end this cycle of insanity without driving myself insane first.

I can start by simply NOT leaving campus until my homework is done.


And I'm also thinking that I need to use my blogs or something for this bullshit until I can get it wiped clean.

[alexican]

how many years have you been in school so far, and why are you pushing yourself so hard with 18hrs of class?

maybe you answered these already but i haven't read the entire thread yet.

[hepkatmama]

"abuser" sounds very sadistic. that is the thing. there is the sadistic manipulator and then on the other hand there is the abuser that cries afterwards because they can't help themselves out of the loop. they are both abusing just one is less conscious of it.

and that is the main thing... they have to take themselves out of it. you can't make them choose happy or responsible for their own actions. remember our conversation about "owning emotions"? even if i have yucky emotions i can't pretend they don't need to be dealt with. emotions can't be oops as a habit. "i didn't mean to freak." someone smart told me recently "real anarchy has real consequences." Just like my emotional expression with our friend that night, I had already accepted that he needed to know how I felt. But now its over, I don't need to go into detail or take anymore time cause he knows I am sincere. The hard part is accepting the next step, cause then its out of your hands.

i want what i want & they want what they want & if its different... well i think we should both get what we want even if that separates our goals.

Originally Posted by Meyer Lansky

never relive that moment, or find your self in that type of situation again(hopefully, if your smart enough to recognize the catalyst which placed you into said situation).

Just repeating the same thing over and over, while obtaing the same results is well....you know.

i do know. it sucks for the repetitive person and those who care about them. i understand why you want to switch this to your blog baby. but this is almost a more private place online. less of our friends here.

i know this person isn't a evil meanie. they don't want to be at least. but demanding their emotions are matched is not healthy. they either have to learn to check themselves and respect your time & space or you are going to have to go to lengths to TAKE your time and space. you deserve to do homework or brush your teeth or breathe. you don't have to defend it or ask permission.

school is stressful enough. i almost invited you guys to meditation class last night. it certainly leveled off my out of whack energy. good stuff.

[cyberina]

Originally Posted by alexican

how many years have you been in school so far, and why are you pushing yourself so hard with 18hrs of class?

maybe you answered these already but i haven't read the entire thread yet.

Nah.. Haven't really talked about the why's behind my classload.

I'm just now finishing the end of my 3rd year of school. My degree plan is a 4.5 year degree if you take an average of 16 hours a semester. I've varied between 13 and 19 semester hours. I've done 19 once before at the tail end of my core classes (biology and psych classes out the wazoo), and yes it was hard, but that was 2 years ago, and life was much different then. I still got straight As.

The reason that I piled so many on this semester is because I'm in the final semester of all of my multi-semester classes, which was enough to fill a load on their own. Then, a lot of my required classes that only come around once in a blue moon came available this semester, too. Viola... Huge classload.

My final two semesters I can get away with 15 or less easy... Even retaking the classes I am dropping this semester.

[alexican]

Originally Posted by cyberina

Nah.. Haven't really talked about the why's behind my classload.

I'm just now finishing the end of my 3rd year of school. My degree plan is a 4.5 year degree if you take an average of 16 hours a semester. I've varied between 13 and 19 semester hours. I've done 19 once before at the tail end of my core classes (biology and psych classes out the wazoo), and yes it was hard, but that was 2 years ago, and life was much different then. I still got straight As.

The reason that I piled so many on this semester is because I'm in the final semester of all of my multi-semester classes, which was enough to fill a load on their own. Then, a lot of my required classes that only come around once in a blue moon came available this semester, too. Viola... Huge classload.

My final two semesters I can get away with 15 or less easy... Even retaking the classes I am dropping this semester.

ooff girl, sounds like terrible class timing! why is it a 4.5 year plan? and do you never do summer sessions? i did 12 hours each regular semester, plus 1 class each summer session, and i was done in 5 years. whats your major?

also, what is it that you want to do in grad school? i'm finishing up my first year on a master's degree through an online school called Capella University. i'm not sure how different online grad courses are from physically attending grad courses, but i can tell you right now full time grad school plus full-time work=absolutely NO FUN! full-time in grad is only 2 classes; i did that my first quarter and in the last week broke the fuck down at work. wound up sobbing in my boss' office for a good half hour, and had to go home early because i couldn't pull myself together. god that was so embarrassing.

anyways, my point is: its great that you're so dedicated to achieving these degrees, but it is NOT great to kill yourself trying to get them. try to lessen the load as much as you will allow, because it only gets harder and more stressful as you move up the Higher Education ladder.

BEST OF LUCK DUDE!!

Originally Posted by hepkatmama

i had to give up television for the next 60 days (that is how much school is left really). no time for box vs. study. my brother will rent a movie and get offended cause i won't watch it. just no time. i'v told him not to expect me to commit time to box. no can do.

You could do like I did and move your pc into the living room next to the tv media, haha (or get a laptop).
Now I can do library research online, write papers, access any art pieces or films I missed during lecture, answer emails, and watch Bret Michaels get rid of skanks from the Rock of Love house all at once.

[alexican]

tammy, you just lost some cool points for admitting you watch that show

That show is extremely entertaining.