So my loser brother is planning on moving back.

[name change request]

nope, been a brother though and i just know i would never turn my back on a family member. i wouldn't enable them either but i wouldn't just abandon them.

this is one of those things where you're not going to convince me otherwise.

I've been a drug addict and a sister. The best thing my parents ever did for me was cut me off when I was an addict. Of course they let me back in when I was ready, but it was ultimately my choice. Listen to the ex-addicts on this one. We know what it's like.

Originally Posted by joel

nope, been a brother though and i just know i would never turn my back on a family member. i wouldn't enable them either but i wouldn't just abandon them.

this is one of those things where you're not going to convince me otherwise.

[Eric Scholwinski]

sounds like ya'll are nesting.

[BradH]

Haven't you seen Intervention?

[-m-]

Originally Posted by TragicallyUnhip

I've been a drug addict and a sister. The best thing my parents ever did for me was cut me off when I was an addict. Of course they let me back in when I was ready, but it was ultimately my choice. Listen to the ex-addicts on this one. We know what it's like.

Not that I know your sitch Aud, and I'm not trying to start shittle with you, but from what I understand you're either an addict or you're not. I think people tend to get periods of their (usually young) life where they're going overboard with something confused as being an "addict". There's a stark difference between juvenile experimentation gone awry and having what is a genetic predisposition to being hopelessly unable to control oneself in the presence of their vice(s).

I was labeled an "addict" when I was 15 and busted for smoking pot and doing inhalants (lolz) when I was 15 and forced to go to all these AA/NA meetings where I encountered people who were cut from a completely different cloth than I am. I can safely say that while messing with the inhalants was profoundly stupid and dangerous, in retrospect I was not addicted. I haven't since touched inhalants, but did move on to other substances, which admittedly led to catastrophic life changing events, and later in my young adult life after I got my shit together and left home led to some profound psychological breakthroughs where I bonded with my friends and aided in learning who I am as a person.

I'm no stranger to drug use, and no stranger to addicts either having participated in drug culture for half of my life, but I can safely that to this day I am in complete control of what I put in my body. I've had spells when things were just full on crazy time in my younger days, and I've had spells where I backed off of everything. Now that I'm getting older and have a lot more responsibilities and a clear plan of where I want to take my life I mostly just drink (usually not to excess but sometimes I get drunk), smoke pot maybe a couple of times a month if that, and use psychedelics a handful of times a year. I'm secure with my occasional recreational drug use. I don't condone what I do but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's all about priorities imo.

And Shade as far as you and your brother go, have you considered holding an intervention for him? I think "tough love" exaserbates an addict's will to continue doing what he's doing in most cases and feel that an honest, loving confrontation can help steer them to making the conclusion that they need to make a change in their lives. Ultimately it's really up to them when they decide to cut the shit and shutting them out doesn't do anyone any good.

Just my buck fiddy.

I was a meth addict, Millz.

I almost died, wised up, and ditched not only the habit but everyone and everything associated with the habit. Even tossed everything in my old apartment, including the furniture. I wanted no reminders. I did a lot of experimentation and partied like a rock star, but meth is the only substance I ever became addicted to. My parents wrote me off during that time period, but took me in again when it was clear I was done with it. I mean, they'd still talk to me, but I wasn't allowed around the house and they wouldn't give me any money until I was clean. It's a pretty shitty story from beginning to end. This was over 10 years ago though, thank God.

[-m-]

But you do drink and do other stuff on occasion now though, right? BTW I'm glad you're okay now.

Originally Posted by -m-

But you do drink and do other stuff on occasion now though, right? BTW I'm glad you're okay now.

Well, I'm very specific in my use of the term addict. A lot of people just like to get fucked up all the time and when their life goes to shit they decide to call themselves addicts to garner more sympathy from their family and further enable themselves to keep doing what they were doing. I was addicted to meth. I wasn't addicted to anything other than meth, although I was doing other shit at the time. I had friends who were addicted to heroin who were doing other things as well. I know people who are addicted to alcohol but can use other shit on occasion without any problem. Partying is a lifestyle, not an addiction. It still boils down to actions in the end, though. Either you want to stop being such a fuck-up or you don't. A true addict may need a little more help getting over the physical hurdles, but I did it and so did a few of my friends who were hardcore heroin addicts. None of us thought we were going to make it out at the time, but we did. I have very little sympathy for types like Nyteshade's brother who are hurting other people as well as themselves.

And, yeah, I still drink a couple of times a month maybe. No other stuff though.

[-m-]

Well I'm glad you're okay now. I've watched a couple of friends deteriorate from meth use. I just think the term addict is thrown around more than it merits in most cases.

Originally Posted by -m-

Well I'm glad you're okay now. I've watched a couple of friends deteriorate from meth use. I just think the term addict is thrown around more than it merits in most cases.

Oh, it was baaaaaaaaad. I don't throw around terms like addict lightly, so I do agree with you on that one. I think by the end of it I weighed around 80 pounds and hadn't had a period in months because my body was just shutting down on me. Dark days. But, you know, I'm a better person for having hit rock bottom like that. I needed that to wake me the hell up and start the process toward being a decent human being. Didn't happen overnight, but it had to start somewhere.

[Nyteshade]

Originally Posted by TragicallyUnhip

That's ridiculous. At some point the best thing you can do for someone is turn your back.

This.

Or I could take him in. Or I could cut out the middle man and leave needles around the house for my kids to find while randomly making my stuff disappear.

I learned a long time ago that it's a waste of time to try to help people that won't bother to help themselves. I used to do what I could to help out friends and family that were hooked on various drugs and all I got in return was taken advantage of and they made their problems become my problems. It took long enough to disassociate myself with those people and I have no intention of allowing it come around anymore.

[Deff Gordon]

just go on and give me a couple thousand bucks and i'll come over and kick you in the nuts. it'll be quick i promise.

[PETA]

Damn Patrick that shit sucks ass in a way I can't really wrap my head around. I'm sorry to hear about this. Sucks knowing what the right thing to do is. You didn't make this choice though.

Originally Posted by -m-

Not that I know your sitch Aud, and I'm not trying to start shittle with you, but from what I understand you're either an addict or you're not.

Yeah, lots of people peddle that crap.... most people who use drugs/alcohol at the level of an "addict" quit on their own. Some, the extremes, need help. Most who do, still fail. Though some succeed. Usually its a process not a destination... making the gaps between periods of use longer and longer is, imo, success. Complete abstinence, often unobtainable, often leads to the, "fuck it" response and deeper backslides. Anyway, there are addicts and then their are addicts. I think too many AODA "professionals" and tea totalers fuck of the definition for reasons having nothing whatsoever to do with the "patient." A huge percentage are former addicts who see an addict in every appointment and they're on a crusade to cure the fucking world. Drives me up the goddamn wall.

[djredeye]

it constantly amazes me when i watch Intervention. Just knowing my parents and how they would react if i would have been living in their house, while they paid my car insurance, car note, raised my kid, fed me, while knowingly going out and using......trust, it would never happen. I dont understand how people get to that point. My parents would've 86'ed that shit so fast.....SO FAST!! And gonna come back to their house and use drugs in the garage, talk shitty to them while they "parent" my kids in the other room....oh no no no no no. Kicked out, locked out no questions asked.

[Nyteshade]

Originally Posted by djredeye

it constantly amazes me when i watch Intervention. Just knowing my parents and how they would react if i would have been living in their house, while they paid my car insurance, car note, raised my kid, fed me, while knowingly going out and using......trust, it would never happen. I dont understand how people get to that point. My parents would've 86'ed that shit so fast.....SO FAST!! And gonna come back to their house and use drugs in the garage, talk shitty to them while they "parent" my kids in the other room....oh no no no no no. Kicked out, locked out no questions asked.

My father is the one that will do it that fast if he knows about it. Hell, he threw me out because I was entrusted to their car when they were out of town for a weekend and I allowed my brother to use it because "he had an appointment with his parole officer" and I was getting ready for one of my weekends with the Marine Reserves. What he really did was pick up a junkie friend of his and go out to Berry St. to score some heroin and wrecked their car in the process. I got tossed out on the street with him.

The problem is, my father spends 70% of his time out of town because of his business so he doesn't know about this stuff and my mother will hide it from him because she doesn't want to explain to my niece why Daddy has to go away (again).