Funny or Die Dark Knight Review

[elNastioBananaHando]

We were lucky enough to catch an early press screening of the highly anticipated new Batman film, "The Dark Knight." What follows is an exact transcript of the notes we took to write our review…

7:30pm – Movie is about to start. So pumped! I'm so lucky to be seeing this. Not only do I get to see Batman early, but they gave me free popcorn and soda. Bonus!

7:32 – Dude next to me looks like an a-hole…probably writes for Maxim.

7:33pm – Aw shit! Movie is starting. Lights went down. Woooo!

7:45pm – Off to an amazing start! Joker is SO bad-ass!

7:52pm – This movie is even darker than the first. Heath Ledger will definitely get an Oscar nod. Man, I finished that soda quick.

8:02pm – Have to piss…gonna try to hold it. Don't want to miss anything.

8:11pm – Man, I really have to piss now. Why did they give us a giant free soda!? Bad move Warner Bros. marketing!

8:17pm – I can't hold it any longer. Gotta run to the bathroom!

8:21pm – SHIT! I definitely missed something cool! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

8:27pm – I can't pay attention knowing I missed something before. I think I'm gonna ask the dude next to me.

8:29pm – The dude next to me told me to go fuck myself! Fucking dick! I'm gonna knock his drink into his lap.

8:35pm – I'M WRITING THIS FROM THE LOBBY! THEY KICKED ME OUT! CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS?! THAT ASS-JAG FROM MAXIM FUCKING STARTED IT! THIS IS BULLSHIT! GREAT……NOW THERE'S A SECURITY GUY COM—

10:22pm – Okay, I'm back home. I've calmed down a bit. I mean, big deal. The movie is out in a couple weeks anyway, right?

10:35pm – I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF! FUUUUUCK!!!!

11:33pm – Put a rope around my neck. Pussed out at the last second. I'm worthless.

1:22am – I'ms o dronk riaght now. Fuckl it, I'm goanna emil this to mybosss. Farrtsssss.

[Enchilada with Doo Doo as the meat]

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