Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

[C-fer]

Got this in an email from my mom, pretty funny stuff.

Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa
Invitational which, once again, asked readers to take any word from
the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new
definition:



1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web..

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing
only a nightgown..

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has
been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14.. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

[zymote]

Awesome, that just made me laugh so loud that everybody in th coffeeshop's staring.

[BradH]

You lost me at 'Got this email from my mom...'

[C-fer]

Originally Posted by BradH

You lost me at 'Got this email from my mom...'

Oh I'm sorry, I forget receiving emails from family members and sharing the lols is taboo on DDM.

[john vella]

it's been done. The Atlantic has a feature called "Word Fugitive" where a reader asks, "what's a word to describe when (scenario)?" here's an example:

"A problem caused by a blundering or heavy-handed attempt to cure another problem"

Pat Bergeson, of Chicago, responded with boomerwrong; Joel Hess, of Portland, Oregon, with blunderang; and David Israel, of Santa Clara, California, with solut ("a little short of a solution"). Michaele Dunlap, of Lake Oswego, Oregon, coined the nice idiotrogenic, but this word is an adjective, not a noun, as requested, and the related noun form, idiotrogenesis, is far afield from any word commonly seen. M. S. Coats, of Oregon City, Oregon, deserves special mention for submitting not one but two promising words: ouchcome and oopshot.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200110/wallraff

i like the post's list. my wife does an assignment with her students where she makes them write puns. if you thought their vocabulary work was fun to read, you should see what happens when they try to get clever with the definitions about which they absolutely no understanding.

john

[C-fer]

Originally Posted by john vella

it's been done. The Atlantic has a feature called "Word Fugitive" where a reader asks, "what's a word to describe when (scenario)?" here's an example:

"A problem caused by a blundering or heavy-handed attempt to cure another problem"

Pat Bergeson, of Chicago, responded with boomerwrong; Joel Hess, of Portland, Oregon, with blunderang; and David Israel, of Santa Clara, California, with solut ("a little short of a solution"). Michaele Dunlap, of Lake Oswego, Oregon, coined the nice idiotrogenic, but this word is an adjective, not a noun, as requested, and the related noun form, idiotrogenesis, is far afield from any word commonly seen. M. S. Coats, of Oregon City, Oregon, deserves special mention for submitting not one but two promising words: ouchcome and oopshot.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200110/wallraff

i like the post's list. my wife does an assignment with her students where she makes them write puns. if you thought their vocabulary work was fun to read, you should see what happens when they try to get clever with the definitions about which they absolutely no understanding.

john

Oh I have no doubt it's been done before. But this is this years list. The ones you mentioned above are a little different than the post's also. They added/changed more than one letter.
I think the Post's version is a little more clever, though to each his own. It's basically all the same thing, making up words.

[john vella]

Originally Posted by DjKrispy

Oh I have no doubt it's been done before. But this is this years list. The ones you mentioned above are a little different than the post's also. They added/changed more than one letter.
I think the Post's version is a little more clever, though to each his own. It's basically all the same thing, making up words.

oh i was just playing DDM Bad Boi with ya.

john

[C-fer]

Originally Posted by john vella

oh i was just playing DDM Bad Boi with ya.

john

Touche!
*waits for the hawtwatermusic comments*